BAttitude

Preparing blog for WAT

2010-04-22T01:18:00.002+08:00

i'm preparing my blog for work and travel...been a long time since i've last posted anything...very much wanted to give up on blogging..guess i'll have to at least keep it for my work and travel USA

School is starting

2009-08-09T17:32:00.002+08:00

doing 1 last entry b4 sch starts again...as usual spending special occasion alone isnt anything uncommon..will b sending off another frn off to stockholm tis coming wed..tis sem will be very very busy much worse than last 1..hopefully everything turns out well..

just getting numb n number..yes..that's all i have to do..

First time visit to turf city

2009-08-05T00:52:00.002+08:00

been some time since last update..quite a lot of times..sent my frn off as he's going for NOC in silicon valley..the flight was like 5.30am...zzzz...went prawn fishing couple of times...out in the middle of the nite..cruising around...went to marina barrage...these r as much as i can recall

yesterday went to turf city for some cheap seafood...ya..i know i dun really like seafood...the total cost werent exactly cheap but it's still cheap if we were to have it anywhere else in singapore..unlike in thailand..haha...cant really c much since it's nite time..btw, the seafood were all still alive when we bought them...there's a huge variety too..just too bad i dun like..

NDP Preview & class gathering

2009-07-06T14:49:00.002+08:00

went for the NDP preview on sat...i think it's the 1st full rehearsal since it seems many things were still not tied down..it's been like 10yrs since i last went to watch NDP..the whole show seems to have shorten or at least the transition between each item is better now than last time..saw the familiar bronco, primer, bionix n leopard...the feeling was gd esp with the nice backdrop as compared to being at the stadium..the only bad thing abt the show is tt there wasnt proper intro of the significance of each performance..basically the idea was like just to get as many ppl as possible to b involved in tis so called national event..sad..

met up with some of my jc classmates yesterday...weather was terrible..i tot the heavy rain had finally stopped but while i was riding half-way the rain got heavy n i had to ride back home to change...after tt took public transport to chinatown..wtf..wasnt quite a gathering since there's only 6 of us plus chon hoon's gf..went to the steamboat shop tt we had our gathering the last dec...after tt went to meet up with cheng leong n gang at O-Bar..had a couple of drinks n sang a few songs..

BBQ

2009-06-29T01:20:00.004+08:00

had bbq at cheng leong's place again..the last time was just b4 cny..went to get the 大头虾 with the others..so it was my 1st time actually visiting a prawn farm..haha..after proceed on to downtown east ntuc to buy other stuffs den we went back to his hse to prepare for the bbq..tis time round there was more things..definitely a lot more of those big prawns...too bad i dun eat prawns..after tt we went up to his rm n played his ps3 while we 1 by 1 bathe n wash up..played some board games n drank a little..by 4am the couples decided to get some slp while the bachelors went out to have a short chat n after a while they cannot tahan all 1 by 1 knockout...lol...guess i'm the only 1 still well awake the whole nite..had breakfast at changi village n den it was back home..unfortunately, we din take any photos of tis bbq..sad..

Soldier is tired

2009-06-22T04:25:00.002+08:00

just had my reservist last week from mon-sat...5.5 days wasted..ok..not totally wasted..at least i cleared my ippt..was originally a vc back in active days but got appointed as a sc...meaning "chiong sua" for me..zz..was made the out-field ps for tis ict which sux..had to run around here n there..it's been like 4 yrs since i last did any chionging..n the day b4 i had ippt..my thighs were aching..in fact my whole body was aching after the 1 day out-field..our grp of specs nvr fail to find joy n make jokes out even in the most shitty situation..besides the fact abt army stuff i really enjoyed being with them...i also finally got a taste of wat's mobilisation is all abt..

after tt sat nite met up with the council for dinner...went to berwerkz again..basically i was damn tired..i haven gotten much slp the past few days..

my hard disk decided to give up on me like since last last week...i tried all sorts of ways to salvage it but din work..most probably was due to my heavy dling habit...in the end i had to went over to sim lim yesterday n fork out $90...sigh...soldier is also poor now..

Prawn fishing

2009-05-31T02:54:00.003+08:00

just came back from prawn fishing...it was so much fun...as a 1st-timer i'm pretty gd at it...we caught 14 prawns in total in 3 hr with 3 rods..i shared a rod with yew han n we wasted 1st 30 mins for being noob...we did not attach the hook instead used a clip tt looks like a hook..lol...personally on average i caught 1 every 15-20min..caught 3 in total n the 1st escaped..the 1st 1 struggled so much the string just bounce n hit the roof when the prawn escaped..i tot i was the 1st to get the catch but cheng leong got the 1st catch..after tt i kind of dulan n caught 1 abt 10min later..after tt we bbq the prawns..i was forced to eat 1 even though i dun like n fear the taste of prawn..

Trip to Bangkok

2009-05-19T10:29:00.002+08:00

thur: slept at 2am n den it started to rain at around 6am which woke me up...i wasnt really too excited abt the trip but somehow woke up kind of early..left hse at 7.50am took a cab n went over to pick nelson, francis n elaine...we reached the budget terminal kind of early had to wait around b4 we check in n have breakfast...bum around n by 10.45am the plane took off...arrived in Bangkok at 12.50pm singapore time...check in to our apartment a slack only for awhile n went to get some necessities from the 7-11..went on to Prantip Plaza for our lunch..1st meal there..the food court required use of coupons...had the 'legendary' 猪排饭 aka chula pork rice only to discover it's nothing close to fantastic...just pork's leg meat with lots of skin which i dun eat...lol..but the grilled pork bought at another stall made up for it..proceeded on to the Platinum Mall just beside...bernard was the 1st to start the shopping spree...bought a few shirts myself...b4 we left we bought some crepe tt tasted quite nice...i had banana n choco...went back to our apartment n we all took an hr nap...woke up n took a cab down to Khaosan for dinner...had our 1st big sumptious meal..haha...the highlight was the 大头虾 though i dun eat prawns..we ordered like 10 dishes n it cost only abt 1,700 baht = SGD$33...unfortunately, the nite was filled with drizzles...walk around the nite market n we went for our 1st massage...all of us did 1 hr of oil massage...lucky/unlucky i got a guy to massage me..frankly, massage is not for me..i'm just too sensitive n get tensed easily when ppl touch me esp. some spots..tried to make myself relax..anyway, overall it was quite relaxing...after tt we went back to our apartment..the nite din end just lidat..showered n had drinks tt we bought back at the budget terminal..a vodka n bacardi each...of cos we din finish all of it..finished like half a bottle of bacardi...i drank quite a bit myself...enuf for me to fall aslp immediately after i brushed my teeth n lie on the bed..time was 3am singapore time..tt's how the 1st day ended..

fri: had quite a gd slp thx to the drink last nite n i woke up ard 10.00am singapore time..i continued to lie on the bed until like 11.30am since our meeting time was suppose to b 12noon bangkok time..the start of the 2nd day was at MBK which is a big entertainment center..lunch was at the food court..i had fried chicken chop with rice...nothing special due to my fussiness over food...MBK isnt really a gd place for shopping..prices r higher considering the rent...we went to catch the show "Angels & Demons" at their EGV..had to stand just b4 the show start while they played the clip abt their king..zz..i was holding onto a big bucket of popcorn...after the show we walk around for while more n went back to our apartment..as usual we had our nap b4 we went for our dinner..dinner was at the nearby area called Baiyoke..tis time we had 11 dishes...cost abt 1,300 baht..it was cheaper cos there's no 大头虾...after dinner we walk around the area n went for massage again..tis time is thai massage..bernard n xinyang din join us n went to a LAN shop instead..after the massage we all went to the LAN shop..surf net for awhile n we started playing CS..hahaa..yea..i know we can do it in singapore too but we had fun..tt's more impt...went back at abt 1.30am singapore time..once again nite doesnt just end like tis...a bit of drinking..finished up the other half of the bacardi..i din drink as much tis time..after tt showered n went to bed at 3am plus...woke up at every 2 hr interval bcos i din drink as much n i dun feel comfortable sleeping on another bed..

sat: got up at 9am singapore time..gathering time was 10.30am bangkok time..why so early was bcos we're going to Chatuchak, the weekend bazaar..weather was gd..cloudy with occasional drizzle n hot at the same time...lunch was a simple duck noodle soup...all of us was dressed in singlets which we bought yesterday except for chin leong...tis place is totally filled with ppl esp tourists like us n it's like a maze...bernard n nelson spent the most time here...we just had a rule tt is to keep walking straight..dun have to wait for the whole grp...i'm not the shopping kind..just scouting for a decent belt..managed to get 1 but it got lost on the way back thx to tiger airway..oh well...by evening we only covered 1/4 of the place..went to the pet section cos nelson wanted to get food for his dog..saw them selling squirrels...the squirrels sadly had their legs tied to the cage which forbid any movement..bought some finger food b4 we go back to our apartment in the evening..just nuah only tis time..no nap..dinner was Oishi buffet at the Discovery Center...it's a jap buffet so the only thing i could eat was tenpanyaki...i ordered lots of dory, chicken n pork..all those meat n the dory was exceptionally gd given tt i dun really like fish..the rest was like eating almost anything everything..hahah..the dinner ends at 9pm bangkok time n we reached at 7.30pm...so we were like rushing n gorging..eat until damn full...by 8.30pm xinyang discovered the 大头虾..haha...they all went like crazy...unfortunately, there's only 9 for them...nelson still 'gian' abt it went to ordered another 20 but only 5 came..too bad..our next stop was Patpong..there wasnt much ppl nor things to see due to the recent numerous raids for pirated dvd/cd..went into a bar with live band to chill..i shared a bottle of corona with xinyang since i dun like beer...after it was decided we go to one of the 'lap sap' bar for an experience since none of us has been into 1 b4..basically i just went in for a drink n take a look..some gers came to try "搭讪" but i just actively refused until they gave up..lol...din stay for long since we wasnt there for tt kind of exotic enjoyment..went back to our apartment for more drinking session...song dah!

sun: breakfast nelson, xinyang n me went to A&W...we hadnt got much clue where to go already by today...i suggested we go to those wholesalers..so we went to Bobay for lunch in the afternoon n den shop around..really not much to see as most shops were closed..i wanted to get a shirt here but there was only tt single 1 so left empty-handed..next suggested we go to pray at the famous Erawan shrine which i visited the last time i came 10yr ago..haha...sun the traffic was really congested..we spent quite some time of the day on the taxi..walk to the Big C starbucks for a pitstop as the weather was damn hot...after tt we decided to go to another wholesale place, Pratunam Center...it's even more disappointing than Bobay...even started raining while we were walking over...when we're done we walk back to CentralWorld just opp Big C...the area is like the orchard rd...all the branded stuffs so there's really nothing much to do...dinner was suppose to b the jap style bbq in MBK but we ended at ajisen ramen cos it wasnt buffet n not worth it..chin leong even sign up the membership..haha..nite activity was a Suan Lum night bazaar...was still drizzling...although it's supposedly a nite bazaar but the crowd was small..we only cover 1/4 of it too..only harvest was the shoes chin leong n francis bought..800 n 1,000 baht..decided to call it a nite at abt 12.30am singapore time since there's not much things n we were rather drained...last nite more drinking...i was damn hungry n went down to ask for the delivery no. with xinyang but the security guards dunno anything...sigh..when we got back i took a mouthful of drink from my cup n damn..got tis burning sensation of my tongue..some1 added more vodka in...^%@^#..since it's the last nite so we played a game n the loser had to drink as punishment..too bad there wasnt much alcohol left..

mon: francis left early in the morning as his flight somehow ended up earlier than us no thx to tiger airway...breakfast nelson, xinyang n me went to the nearby BK...lunch we went to A&W..yay..i finally got to eat the super waffle with 2 scoops of ice-cream..after tt went back to the LAN shop for more gaming b4 the van came to pick us up at 3.30pm bangkok time..the rest had dinner at the canteen while i was still rather full from the lunch so din had anything for dinner...nelson went off to catch his flight to guangzhou at 6pm bangkok time..we hang around for awhile den check in our luggages...went into the departure hall..but now the others were already broke n tired so no more shopping..i was still left with 800 baht..lol...just settled down n wait for boarding..plane took off at 8.10pm bangkok time..arrived at singapore at 11pm..bought some alcohol n shared cab back..

the trip was enjoying i could say...just tt too much shopping..most of them their purpose for the trip was shopping esp. nelson n bernard...only regret is i din get to go to the floating market tt i very much wanted to c...i dun think i'll b going back in near future...now i'm low on savings..total expenditure for the whole trip is abt $500...

Holiday beginning to feel like 1

2009-05-14T01:27:00.004+08:00

holiday is finally beginning to feel like 1...

sat: went to watch x-men: wolverine's origin...b4 tt had ramen at ajisen..was the 1st time i went there..

sun: woke up at 11 n my mum just asked me to go for food tasting for my cousin's wedding..zzz..the food was not bad..considering my fussiness..just too much veg as usual..

mon: went to east coast for cycling...i reached like 930am n we only started at 11 n den it started raining abt an hour later..wat luck..anyway, the rain din last for too long...proceeded on to canoeing..ended up with bruises on my back not knowing wat's the reason..had lunch at 4 den went on to join nelson n co at katong for dinner..

tue: lunch buffet at nihon mura..had lunch at home b4 tt so din eat much...went to chinatown for ktv after tt...had real bad luck...forgot to remove my cashcard from the IU n it got stolen..not worth much abt $7 but it just sucks..den almost got knocked down by a taxi...it jammed brake right beside me..

wed ie. today: went to dempsey rd for ice-cream n to celebrate yew han's bdae..1st time going there too..as usual i'm 'suah ku'..tt area is like for upper class ppl..classy n expensive

thur to next mon will b in bangkok..2nd time i'm going there since like 10 yrs ago..doesnt feel too excited but it's really something i could look forward to since my last real overseas trip was like training at taiwan -.-"
neither had i really enjoyed my last few trips overseas..

Exams are finally over~

2009-05-08T00:00:00.003+08:00

now tt today is the start of my holiday..the 1st thing i did was waking up at like 7am...had a dream as usual...finally got myself out of bed an hour later for a small job which my frn asked me to help out...wat a way to start the holiday...oh well...honestly, i've got no idea wat to do anyway..no job..waiting for my trip..waiting for my ict..waiting for sch to start..the cycle goes on...unfortunately, i totally forgotten abt my jogging routine..shucks...i need to get myself trained up b4 my ict..

anyway, some recap..there's the movie "4 weddings n a funeral"..i had 4 exam dates n a wedding for the past week or so...jc classmate, ivan, had his wedding on labour day..caught up a bit with my classmates..exams feels gd until my last paper..haiz...there goes my hope for one b+...yup, tt's all i can recall...other things r just academics...how interesting can my life b?

just finished watching "yes man"..i tot to myself "a lot of times i tried opening up but the fact is..things close up on me" just take tis past 2 yrs for example...i said yes to picking up riding, going for 1 star kayaking, all the outings tt ppl have asked me including meeting ppl i knew thru online gaming..going to jb in the middle of the nite for supper..dinner with my aunt n the family as though i'm part of it...agreeing to meeting some1 who continously 'fly aeroplane'...getting my uncle to loan his car to me..n in between doing others favours..tt's as much as my life offers me yet i dun c any good things coming to me...only seem to have more depressing things...i'm still plague by dreams meaning i dun get the required rest i needed...i dare not look forward any more...to put it simple i dun expect anything from my life any more

My crazy world

2009-04-14T00:36:00.005+08:00

the famous phrase "what is the world coming to?"...saw a crazy myna trying to crash thru my window tis morning..it seems to b aiming for something in my room but frankly tt's madness...other than the tibits i had put aside there's nothing for the damn bird and it cant possibly recognise those packagings as food..

on another note..the demonstration in bangkok is getting aggressive..the ASEAN summit have been called off...currently the country has been classified as "danger zone"...wth...hopefully the airline doesnt cancel the flight...i dun give a single shit even if there's a riot..i want my holiday...also read the report on somalian pirates...so many crazy things r happening...

i recently found out i needed contact lens with special angle n my braces seems like it's gonna take another year b4 i can remove them...haiz...worst thing is i'm losing weight at a rate of 1.5kg/yr...now standing at 54kg...i really begin to think that some1 up there is making a joke out of me...either he stop it or he better fucking kill me

Childhood fantasy and getaway plans

2009-03-06T00:29:00.004+08:00

dunno wat struck me today to notice those "stains" at the head of my bed...yup..i remember i used to stick those batman logo stickers up there..haha..i guess i liked batman a lot and wanna be 1 myself too..a caped crusader with lots of nice gadgets...well, i think anything would be possible if i'm as rich as batman so i better work hard towards it

recent opening of the west line extension and the circle line seem to have got me interested in singapore's plan for our rail network..so i went to google around and found some other interesting stuffs abt roads upgrading projects..i already knew abt the upper serangoon and bendemeer rd intersection which started quite a few mths ago...den there's the new tanjong rhu bridge which just completed last nov...i love tt place a lot..nice place to escape to...there's a new marina coastal expressway coming up...cool....anyway, so i planning to have some sort of one day trip round singapore during my sem break...most probably riding my bike unless some1 actually wants to join me on a dumb cycling trip..i also have a long way to go b4 my bangkok trip..zzz...tis sem is kind of driving me crazy with the shitload of work but i kind of love coding to be frank :)

Dunno whether to laugh or curse

2009-02-19T02:10:00.003+08:00

this morning while i was going to sch i discovered tt my helmet was stolen...i dunno whether i shud b laughing or cursing at the bugger who stole my helmet...it's so stinky..lol..i din really give a hoot abt whether my helmet will b stolen but i had to take a bus to sch instead n missed 1 lesson...yea..unfortunately, i refused to get a spare helmet cos i din want to pillion any1..guess i have to get 2 helmets tmrw

assignments, assignments, assignments...the fact tt it's all programming my mind is all abt thinking how to solve those qns...tt's the only thing on my mind rite now...i've got 3-4 assignments on hand plus a project...i dunno i how i'm going to get thru tis sem but i just have to...

Crap feeling

2009-01-31T18:42:00.006+08:00

i've always tot tt i'm some1 who could bring joy to ppl..make ppl happy..i know it's kind of unconvincing with tt usual sian look of mine...at the least with tt silly smile of mine..even times when i'm angry or depressed i just smiled n 带过 everything...yet some things no matter how i tried to b optimistic it doesnt work which eventually translate to me being frustrated..not bcos i'm angry with any1 but rather frustrated y things cant b settle harmoniously..i get tis crap feeling whenever such things happen

A new year

2009-01-12T09:56:00.004+08:00

last year ended badly with a lousy mood on the new yr's eve...some1 just have to pissed me off...probably the very reason y i've decided to tuck tis blog away...there's only 1 reader i would ever expect anyway..

i almost ended staying at home for the new yr's eve but i guess there's no pt in torturing myself over some1 with integrity problem...went to have a gd drink instead....anyway, i've been going out almost everyday for the past 2 weeks...frankly i really cant remember wat i did other than ice skating, going to hsbc tree top walk n playing card games...oh ya..n going to ktv..i know..i'm a lousy singer..

i've been having dreams every single nite...nelson n bernard has been asking wat's on my mind but i've decided i shud just keep things to myself...i dunno y but everytime i ever decided to blurt something out there's a tendency to have a large effect so it's best to keep my mouth shut..

it's been 2 yrs n tt feeling nvr did go away..i just kept suppressing it in me

Xmas chalet

2008-12-26T21:45:00.002+08:00

it's quite some time since i last had a chalet...my aunt booked the chalet but went overseas for another trip..it's a 3 day 2 night chalet..didnt really do much..just bowling, bbq, a little gambling n renegade..broke my nails while bowling..sob..den again i won quite a bit in gambling...got a little tipsy the 1st night n ended up vomiting..i wished i had gotten drunk..had been dreaming every night b4 going to the chalet n for the 1st time i din have any dreams...

Chill Out Day

2008-11-12T21:34:00.004+08:00

today's as my frns define is a chill out day before the mugging period..went to rice table at international building...i can't recall when was the last time i went to orchard...anyway, rice table the indonesian buffet restaurant...the last time i went was with the council guys, nat, feb, clarx n des, think it's like 3 yrs ago..like the food there..i was the 1 who suggested to go there..

Even if...

2008-10-27T15:01:00.005+08:00

even if i have to be 宅男...even if i have to b alone for the rest of my life...so be it..i dun wan to have too much expectations of my life any more...just wanna b happy go lucky...just hehehaha for the rest of life also can..even if no life also can...

i said tis bcos yesterday i was asked to go over to my cousin's hse warming by my mum n i asked my bro whether he's going...i din feel like going..den he asked me issit i want to be 宅男...he told me to go out n take a walk dun keep staying at home...it's not tt i'm lack of frns...it's not tt i'm totally anti-social...just tt i no longer can find ppl i can really confide to...no longer any1 i can really trust...no longer have frns tt i miss n look forward to meeting...ask if i had treated frns as true frns? i touch my heart i do or i did...

went over to jb at around 11 plus with tis frn i known thru online game....he wanted to get game card from jb since it's cheaper den have supper there...were on our way back at around 2 n there was jam at the causeway...reached home at around 4...frns whom i met thru online seems to b more reliable than those often around me...sometimes i tot to myself tt there r ppl whom u can trust more than those u tot u could trust...such irony n it happens in my life...

2nd Accident

2008-10-18T04:16:00.004+08:00

been a long time since i've blog n the moment i came in i saw the title '1st Accident'....it's ironic cos just today or rather yesterday afternoon i had another accident...skid...damage...heartache...like bing liang said "you not steady"..i had this very strong feeling tt i shud not ride the bike but as usual i just had to go against god's will...GOD? i ask myself tis qns "Should i thank god for not killing me or thank god for the accident?" pui! to hell with god...many many things have happened tt turned me from a believer to a non-believer...i wasnt a strong believer kind but at least i used to believe in tis 1 divine being...karma? retribution? yea..when it's bad ones they does happen to me..i dare touch my heart to say tt i've been nice to ppl but doesnt seem like i've got any gd karma...

no matter how well i've done i'm nvr gd enuf..no matter how well i did for my studies...no matter how well i rode my bike...it's nvr gd enuf..nvr

1st Accident

2008-09-21T03:17:00.002+08:00

just when i tot i had gotten used to my bike..a little accident happened just now which leaves me with a painful heartache..my bike front brake handle broke off n the side paintwork was scratched...argh...every1 was like asking abt how i am whether i was injured when i told them abt it...i just had a small scratch on my leg...but i was more concerned abt the dmg to my bike..really sad bcos there was no scratch mark at all when i took over it..yet now there's multiple scratches..

Freedom

2008-09-12T02:51:00.005+08:00

ok..i finally got my bike..honda nsr sp 150...it has a black n orange paintwork..got it for 2k 2nd hand..the 1st day i rode was horrible cos it was raining n i hasnt rode for like 2-3 weeks..stalled once n almost skidded...haha..tonite i rode it again..was quite alrite except tt i forgotten to on the headlight..going to send it for servicing soon..also helping my uncle service his car so i can drive again during these few days..lol..

Experiencing new things

2008-09-05T23:17:00.003+08:00

i met up with my PW frns last sat..not bad..met up at suntec den went to harbor front for dinner..after went to geylang..zzz..ok..i must admit i was rather curious when i went there the 1st time but subsequent visit here is nothing..1 of them wilson was so 'gien' to go to a disco bar..went round n end up just had supper at lavendar den balik kampong

trying to get a bike soon..cant stand the crowd on 151 anymore..the frequency is also terrible..finally decided on honda sp..gonna view 1 tmrw n hopefully no problem n settle fast

Little updates

2008-08-25T02:10:00.002+08:00

first n foremost...i've gotten my class 2b n again it's 1st time pass...hahah...yet to check out any bikes...i'm still in my Perfect World...it's the only solace i can get now...although sometimes it can b frustrating..

i've got myself an eee pc too...haha...i'm really broke..gonna empty my bank account soon to get my bike...sch wise i'm still kind of unsettled...concentrating more on my gaming..but i've just done my tutorials nevertheless

i've very much shut off from a lot of things already...occasionally i still think abt it but i just kept numbing myself...it's not the 1st time anyway...no matter how hard it is i'll bury it deep into my heart

来得快，去得快

2008-08-14T16:52:00.004+08:00

things comes fast passes fast..u'll nvr figure wat happened..i no longer want to bother abt a lot of things already..it just seems tt many things will just remain unanswered..neither do they matter anymore

Perfect World is down now so i'm taking a break..i know 20 hr/day gaming = no life..been doing tis for last month of holiday but i've decided tt having no life is better than having a sad life of having myself troubled over little matters..getting headaches from those stupid nonsenses tt ppl throws at me..it's fine ppl dun appreciate me but just dun take me for granted cos i'm nice to them

5 cores for tis sem..it's gonna past fast gonna be harsh..just need to strive harder..nothing or anybody shall hinders me

2nd class gathering

2008-07-28T00:17:00.002+08:00

went for dental n was on my way home until mid-way i recalled tt i have a class gathering...haiz..spaced out again..anyway, it's the 2nd class gathering tis holiday..hasnt been so frequent..mr cheng came to..he came back from US n weiping too came back from UK..went to the steamboat shop at amk for the 2nd n my 4th steamboat tis holiday...

Shutting out

2008-07-26T02:37:00.003+08:00

rather than say trapped within...i'm shutting myself out from things...by shutting out a part of me i wun feel hapiness nor sadness anymore...

When you've got nothing to lose

2008-07-20T21:05:00.005+08:00

it's a big big mistake when ppl try to mess with me when i've nothing to lose

i'm beginning to hate tis family

FUCK! WHATEVER!

just a few more yrs n i dun have to b dependent on any1

什么都不知道，什么都不明白

2008-07-15T10:29:00.005+08:00

其实自己什么都不知道什么都不明白。。。只是凭着感觉，结果往往把事情搞得一塌糊涂

Shopping for stuffs from US

2008-06-30T10:56:00.010+08:00

my bro asked if i wanna get anything from US n he told me the fossil watch there was selling at a low price..went to check the retail price of the watch i had my eye on..
it's SGD$235 while my bro can get it for US$125..it does looks nice..the face is totally flat not like other watches..wanted to get a pair of sunglasses too n my bro suggested oakley's half jacket which he got it for US$174 but i tot it was too ex n i dun have much use for it..asking him to get me jeans, berms n tshirts too..i'm gonna b real broke..i seem to b the kind tt scrimp n save but tt's bcos i rather save to get the things tt i really want n worth buying..rather get the best than to waste on 2nd grade stuffs..my savings gonna empty soon..sob

i had a gut feeling spain was going to win the euro finals since the qualifying matches n it did..shud have went to bet on it..lol..guess i have yet to lose tis ability of "predicting things" or foresight

Class gathering

2008-06-25T13:43:00.004+08:00

had a class gathering on mon..met up with basically the whole class...more than 10 turned up...couple of them i hadnt seen them since we collected our a lvl result..i realised i've missed out a no of my class outings..couldnt recall of them asking me out but the most probable reason i din turn up was bcos of a council outing as i always gave it 1st priority..i guessed i wun let tis sort of thing happen again..whoever ask me 1st shall have priority..was kinda of surprised when i learnt tt ivan quitted uni..was even more shocked when he said he's getting married next yr n he'll b inviting us..i'll have to give angbao even b4 i start work...lol..the gers have graduated or r graduating..guess i'll b receiving a no of "red bombs" in near future..

for once i drove to town for tis class gathering..i tot since i happened to have a car y not just drive to town..but i realise the erp n carpark fee is horrendous..going thru town i was charged twice for erp..3hrs at paradiz=$7 plus n another 3hrs at people's park=$8 plus...on the way home i took cte n it was another erp..din expect to have erp at tt hr..i'm lucky tt expenses r all paid..lol...the past wk have been quite interesting..not bcos i've been going but rather i've learnt more things..

Road block

2008-06-23T03:20:00.012+08:00

i'm lucky tt i get to drive a bit more since my uncle is away again on biz trip...went to bedok 85 for dinner cum supper...on the way back i met with a road block for the 1st time..lol..i had 5 passengers with me n we were like thinking wat to do so i suggested 1 person get off n walk over to the other side den i pick him up after the road block...so nelson got off the car..it wasnt too obvious since it happened tt there's a bus stop nearby..drove up to the road block n was only asked where i came from n my ic...phew...damn lucky..i actually forgotten to put my p-plate n i only realised it after passing the road block..

it's weird how ppl like to put some sort of invisible label on me...wat new age nice guy..sensitve new age guy...bcos of tis it seems tt i always have to have tis halo on my head...everything i do, i every words i say have to be nice..i cant lose my temper, i cant show my disatisfaction..in order to maintain tt "good" image...den when i do something wrong or blurt some vulgarities ppl gets so surprised..the reactions r so big..it's something tt i found has put a lot of pressure on me..just now we were toking abt using camo cream so i just mentioned the term "cb lips"...nelson n ber was like "i din expect junhui to say tis kind of thing"..it wasnt the 1st time tis sort of thing happened..apparently having to b a nice guy means tt there's no room for mistake..many times i tot i'd rather b a jackass at least when i do something bad it seems "normal" or i get forgiven easily..i used to say jokingly "男人不坏, 女人不爱" n i'm very sure now tt it's true..gers always say they like nice guy blah blah but when u look around..u find tt those tt r attached arent those nice guys...just like many of my frns..those ppl tt can flatter tt can sweet talk while being a jerk r the 1 tt enjoy n have all the fun..i've come to hate myself being known as the mr nice guy.."好人没好报"!!

In conclusion

2008-06-21T01:46:00.006+08:00

i went to fetch my uncle's family from the airport just now..dunno wat's the occasion..for once my vsnp frns were having a grp conversation on msn while i was away..some who weren't on my contact list..basically 1 of them was trying to figure out who is who..seems like when i was mentioned the guy simply can't recall anything abt me..den only comments i've got was how "notorious" i was...

i remember when i had to go to poly instead of jc..suddenly it just seems tt i've lost all my frns..none of my sec sch frns tried to keep in contact with me..tt was the 1st time i realised how easily i get forgotten..at tt time i tot it must have been bcos i was a lousy person or i din really treat them as frns either..so when i went to jc i told myself tt i'll try to open up n make frns..probably get a gf..i did open up n i put in very much effort to maintain friendships esp during this ground leader training when i'm identified as some1 withdrawn...even tried to get back in contact with some sec sch frns..n in ns i tried to bond with ppl...but then after all these years i've still hasnt gotten any true frn..much less tok abt gf..none tt i can really bare my heart to..most of those so called "frns" wouldnt think of asking me out when they need company..ppl dun bother keeping in contact with me..sometimes i just wonder whether i'm so unworthy as a frn or am i so easily forgotten...at least i think i've done my part as a frn...apparently it seems like i'm destined to b a loner..i din want to accept how things r but in the end i just return to square 1..so the conclusion would be tt i'm better off alone

Sua Ku

2008-06-18T04:58:00.005+08:00

went to changi for supper for the 1st time..1st time tried the famous nasi lemak..1st time saw the "ah guas" at changi..gotta to admit they look 'real' but when they started toking it was another thing..the voices reminded me of a sec sch frn whom we natural address her as she..not purely as a joke but bcos she seems to have higher lvl of estrogen..wanted to take a look at the old changi hospital but the gate was down n we didn't want to walk in...den went to terminal 3 n also it was my 1st time there..sadly being there at such weird hrs have nothing much to c..just explore around to c how it looks like

there r many things in fact tt i dunno of but ignorance isnt an excuse...i always make an effort to learn things whenever i get the chance...anyway, it seems like my uncle's car is infested with xiao "xiao qiang"..gotta clean up the car somehow..

Car at my disposal

2008-06-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

my uncle loan me his car again but tis time is he called me to ask whether i need the car..i knew abt my uncle going overseas n wanted to borrow his car but decided to forget abt it...when i mentioned abt borrowing the car my mum got lots of things to say but when i have the car she ask me to chauffeur her here n there..even to work...%$@#...tis is wat in hokkien we call "chau kuan"..anyway, the car is at my disposal for a week so will try to utilise it although i have been a little lazy to b going out recently..

last nite after ferrying my uncle's family to the airport went to watch italy vs romania match..quite an exciting match..italy had many chances of scoring but kept missing so the match ended with a draw..been staying up late these few days...almost whole nite..like simply refusing to slp neither was i tired...

Act blur live longer

2008-06-05T23:37:00.004+08:00

tis phrase was often used in army n i admit tt i'm 1 such person..i did grew out of tis behaviour..but i guess i've pretty much return to being such a person..we learnt to cover 1 another's backside but sometimes the more u try to cover up the more obvious it becomes...it's amusing n meaningless when the so called friendship is so full of lies n backstabbing...although i did mentioned tt i could no longer stand dishonesty, i decided to just continue to feign ignorance as i continue to lose trust in tis so called friendship

Sleepless nights

2008-06-03T01:17:00.005+08:00

u feel tired..u know ur tired..u lay on ur bed trying to fall aslp but u just cant..tonite is just another of many such nites..decided not to force myself to slp bcos the last time i did i spent 2 hrs lying on my bed tossing n turning..eventually got up to watch movies until the next morning 6 plus..

有时在想 “醉了总比醒着好”...some ppl just get drunk easily but sadly i'm not 1 of them..a couple of times i tried to get myself drunk but the best i can get is the feeling of 'high' n hardly drunk...weird person like me need weird methods i guess...u feel frustrated not being able to fall aslp while lying on the bed..den u feel frustrated while ur awake due to lack of slp

Can't have my peace of mind

2008-05-31T09:57:00.003+08:00

i dunno y ppl want to msg me on msn when i'm away..away from my com..it's not as though i'll b able to reply them..it's fine if ppl want to leave me msg but i'm not going to reply them anyway..i've always left my com on 24/7 simply bcos i'm dling stuffs..i have ppl who will msg me at weird hrs even though i'm already on away mode n slping..den i'll get awaken but tt alert sound..

been slping late which is very common but had to wake up early for some reasons..for 1 there's construction going on right opp my hse n it freaking start drilling at 9 in the morning..sometimes can even hear work going on passed midnite..had to take afternoon nap which isnt very helpful either with those drillings..

been playing dynasty warriors on my xbox for the passed few days..b4 tt occasionally played it with my bro when he's home but he's in US now..there's this thing tt makes me attracted to console games..being able to go crazy on the controls n buttons..haha..it's sort of way to vent out..

Don't deserve anything

2008-05-23T10:38:00.003+08:00

often we say hardwork pays off n we shouldn't give up easily...yet when u know tt ur just not gd at it..not gd at anything..u realise tt u dun deserve anything..u dun deserve any pity/sympathy..u tell urself to stop dwelling on it..u feel like giving up yet u know if u do u'll regret n even when u dun many things dun change..things just keep repeating..u have no idea when it's gonna end..all u can do is feel helpless

Moon and star gazing

2008-05-23T00:23:00.006+08:00

last nite was the 1st time i had the chance to experience looking at the moon and stars thru a telescope...was going to watch the champions league finals so gathered at my frn's hse early 1st..he bought tis telescope tt cost 1k..lol..happened to b a full moon yesterday so it wasnt as clear bcos it's too bright..the photo was taken with my hp thru the scope..with a little zoom in the craters can b seen very clearly..manage to c jupiter too but capturing its photo is too difficult cos of the rotations..

anyway, abt the match it was kind of a let down..chelsea shud have won..they played much more better than man u..the referee was definitely kelong..i kept saying the referee's been bribe by ferguson..joke of the day is when my frn add in, "ya, the referee got sexual favors from him"..haha..i think the best part would have been ronaldo missing the penalty..hahahah...he always tries to do some trick when taking penalty

Braggart vs proving myself right

2008-05-21T21:03:00.006+08:00

it's funny how ppl doesn't seem to believe wat i said..maybe bcos i'm not tactful/convincing with the way i speak..sometimes even seem like i'm bragging...yet often i've proven myself right or wat said is true..say for example, my programming..i often offer a different approach/algro for an exercise but some frns just dun believe tt it's possible n i just keep proving myself right..for ppl who really knows me shud know better tt i'm 1 who's no gd at being a liar..i remember my neighbour used to call me "dua pao" (大炮)..haha..i was really a braggart back then..but i guess it's how i've learnt to prove myself whenever ppl doubt me n often do..

i c broken relationships ending badly..ppl hating the other person..i dun understand y things have to turn so bad..for me i love some1 for who tt person is...the gd n the bad...doesnt matter tt person loves me ornot..it's natural to b sad..to b upset..but y hate some1 for not loving u? for toying with ur feelings? probably..probably an easy way to forget abt the other person..nevertheless, having tis hatre makes urself miserable only..最可刻骨铭心的是最痛苦的记忆..tt's y i often try to keep those nice memories bcos they r the easiest to forget..ironic...haha..

Eyes opening bigger, ears getting wider, but heart getting smaller

2008-05-19T00:04:00.007+08:00

i learnt to look carefully n observe closely b4 i start believing but my heart has gotten smaller..i could hardly stand dishonesty now...it just feels tt either tt person is not trustworthy or ur not trustworthy...either way both means distrust between ppl..some1 who's full of motive n trys to get u do things his way or some1 who's takes advantage of u but in an obvious way..i chose the latter..human relationships r complicated..took unemployee management n basically it's abt managing human relationships..manage ur superior..manage ur subordinate..i think i'll make a lousy manager in future since i'm so bad at managing human relationships...well, the least i can do is learn

if anybody is wondering y i'm blogging so much cos i guess i'm better off toking to myself..anyway, few ppl listens..there's more ppl wanting to tok than to listen, often ppl just speak of nice words yet untrue n i dun like ppl nagging at me..here i can speak watever i like n if ppl dun like they can dun read my blog..

little update..borrowed car from my uncle again..however, tis time it's just for helping my bro to move his things back from hall..like i said i'm expendable..anyway, i would gladly do it if it's for ppl i care..it's funny how my mum thinks i like driving..i want a car not bcos so i can DRIVE..it's just so that i can go for a spin when i feel like..go for supper with frns..n so that i can go to some place quiet where i can escape to from all the noise n all the nonsense including my pc..places like seaside..looking at the sea..looking at the waves..looking at the sky..staring at the stars..it's gives this tranquility feeling..hopefully i can get my own transport by tis holiday..

Expendable

2008-05-16T02:57:00.005+08:00

Co Bao: Why did they pick you? Because you like to fight?
Rambo: I'm expendable.
Co Bao: What mean expendable?
Rambo: It's like someone invites you to a party and you don't show up. It doesn't really matter.

Very much reflect my feelings cos it happens...too many times...too often...
Simply bcos it's convenient

that said i havent been going on job hunting..been having headaches..insomnia as usual..anyway, caught 2 movies recently..1 was doomsday which was crap..another 1 was harold n kumar..damn funny show..me n my frns just simply laugh our heads off as though there wasnt any1 else in the cinema..it's few of those comedy tt's well made..no lame element just plain jokes tt makes u laugh like mad..i wanted to watch iron man even b4 my exam ended but i've yet to watch it..bah..got myself a 500gig hdd..another hole in my pocket and it's only going to get bigger..now more movies to go into it *grins*

My Blueberry Nights

2008-05-14T10:25:00.007+08:00

I watched this movie by Wong Kar Wai during last holiday..

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?
Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.

Elizabeth: [wiping her tears] How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye. [pause]
Elizabeth: I didn't say anything. I just walked away.

My door was once opened but now it can't be opened because i've left the key somewhere else. I've never left...it was other people that left...

Disappointed..Disappearing

2008-05-13T10:32:00.009+08:00

it's just have to be tt person tt keeps pushing me n proving me right again...i lend a listening ear n in the end wat i get is shit on my head..it's not like i've offended her in any way..i'm already depressed enuf yet she has to keep making things even more miserable for me...i nvr took it to heart when ppl said she's got split personalities but i guess i understand now wat they meant..no matter how innocent she may be but it just seems like a 2-headed snake tt so full of motives..i've nvr like tis kind of ppl...i've always treated ppl with a true heart n i tried so hard to be patient but i guess i've reached the limit..i kept avoiding having conflicts n she has to spark it time n time again..yes, i dun understand..just dun understand y ppl want me to b around when i make them so upset n unhappy..to me it feels terrible when my presence is the cause of ppl's unhappiness...not in any way angry but disappointed..maybe it's time to prove wat i meant by disappear..anyway, it doesn't really matter whether i'm there or not

习惯了

2008-05-12T09:27:00.005+08:00

如果说的话没人想听，那我宁愿装作个哑巴
如果自己的存在让人不高兴，那我宁愿消失
如果小小的委屈能让人高兴，那我宁愿如此
不觉得这样很伟大很了不起，而是已习惯了

Last paper

2008-05-05T23:18:00.004+08:00

tmrw is the last paper, econs, for tis sem..finally...praying real hard for tis paper..i dunno y i can understand the concepts n stuff but somehow i just cant seem to score for tis module..i'm assuming tt i'm just not gd with choices since tis module is only mcq...

it just struck me tt maybe i shud change the layout of my room..well..not much but gonna do something to my room after my exam..tt is tmrw..i need $, i need a job..shall give myself 1-2 wks of break while hunting for a job b4 i resort to going to agency if i cant get 1..have sort out my home network too with another additional pc coming in when my bro FINALLY moves back from his hall..he's been like non-existent for past 6yrs..but then again he's going off to US soon for a few mths..then i'll need to find some ways to get a lcd tv for my HT...guess money is nvr enuf for a techie like me..i save n save then the money is gone in a blink

Stupid smokers

2008-04-30T21:04:00.005+08:00

i've got nothing against smokers but majority of them simply just damn dumb n inconsiderate...they can smoke all they want n then die of lung cancer..watever..but if there's a freaking sign saying "No Smoking" y cant they just simply move somewhere really far off to smoke..many of them just simply think going just past the border of the so called non smoking area then it's alrite for them to smoke..n then the smoke will eventually drift to the non smoking area...it's just like my dad..for so many yrs told him not to smoke in the hse but he just close the kitchen door n then thinks tt the smoke wun invade the hse...it stinks up the whole hse n make the whole family passive smokers..i'm fine standing n toking to a frn while he smokes..i'll simple hold my breath occasionally, turn my head away or move away..but it's really irritating when there's a sign saying "No Smoking" n they just dun seem to be able to read..watever the case the government's effort to ban smoking in public places seems to be rather futile other than ban of smoking in clubs n pubs..

Study week

2008-04-23T19:34:00.002+08:00

tis week is the study week before the final exams...in fact started my revision since last week..my mind's getting saturated already but there's still another 3 days for me to revise b4 my 1st paper...

yesterday was studying at amk drive-in mac..it's a quiet n cooling place for studying..right beside a forested area..Ratatouille started coming out during the nite..haha..now at serangoon mac...tis afternoon saw maris's pri sch kids carrying a mac book each..kids nowadays have gd life man..i wished i had tt kind of technology back when i was a kid..

Power down

2008-04-10T01:31:00.002+08:00

today woke up to find out tt there was a power outage..tot the circuit breaker had trip so i went to check but nothing was wrong...opened the main door n i saw tt the lift wasnt showing anything so i guessed the whole block blackout...yet i heard the lift going thru diff floors..probably only my lvl was affected..decided not to take a shower since the heater isnt working..abt 15min later the electricity was back...

been having a lot of dreams lately n i woke up from my dreams a few times last nite..even though u maybe having some sweet dreams but there's tis emptyness when u wake up from 1..it felt so real yet it isnt..the very reason i woke up so many times was tt somehow i knew it wasnt real n i sort of forced myself to wake up n do a reality check...i dunno y but i've been waking up exactly abt the same time of around 6 everyday no matter wat time i was suppose to b awake..it's like back in sec sch/jc days when my bio clock will wake me up at the exact same time everyday...

been a little unwell past few days..flu, dry cough, headaches...it's weird nowdays whenever i'm sick it comes in a package...din used to have tis kind of prob when i was a kid...i guessed it's bcos i dun fall sick often so when i do it gets rather serious..all these are making me very tired n sleepy tis week

Random stuffs

2008-03-30T03:25:00.004+08:00

made a special trip to havelock n wasted $15 on getting a new strap for my watch..i know it's kind of dumb but i like to keep things as original as possible..in a way authentic..too bad the watch is an old model so i've only manage to get something similar to the original strap..

i've successfully modded my xbox..almost gave up trying to mod it..somehow i just din give up..guess the only gd thing i have is perserverance though looking at it negatively is just stubborn..had to do some soldering..i nvr tot i would b doing soldering anymore since poly..anyway, it's a gd thing i kept my soldering stuffs..been fiddling with it for the past week..my main purpose was actually to use it as a media streamer..watched a few movies..feels great to have the surround sound n have the comfort of lying on the couch while watching..now i just need a lcd tv for my home theatre system..haha..

met up with ber n co. to play citadel..nelson asked a ger to join us..reminds me of some1 i know..guess the traits r just too common..basically an 'ah lian'..not tt i'm interested in her or wat but somehow it struck me tt the kind of gers tt i had fallen for have some 'lian' traits..not those kind of typical brainless 'ah lians' tt smoke n doesnt study...can't really define a particular kind of personality..but generally those kind of kuai gers but underlying is a little 'lian'...probably bcos i'm some1 lidat too...a bit 'beng' kind even though i usually appear quiet n shy..i had always tot i'm attracted to gers only by their looks cos i'm 1 who's particular abt the looks..

i've come to believe tt it's very true tt we become friends/朋友 bcos we are in similar situations..notice tt 朋 is made up of 2 月..only when we are in the same boat do we become frns..of cos there are exceptions but generally tt's how things are...

expectedly i screwed up my mid-terms..only consoling thing is tt for my programming module test i did relatively much better than majority of the "locals"...anyway, the test only takes up a small percent..again i need to make myself focus..

Weirdness

2008-03-19T23:35:00.003+08:00

been having weird dreams for the past few nites..they say wat u dream r wat u think in the day but these dreams were rather unrelated or at least wasnt wat i was thinking abt just b4 i went to slp...

saw quite a no. of familiar faces today but i din bother to greet most of them..din really get a chance to either..but den again something weird happened again..i met wxd n i din notice until he's like as usual waving his hand right in front of ur face..no idea y he's at arts anyway..

there's wake all around my estate here...this is nothing unusual though cos it's an old estate..but den it keeps reminding me of a qns posted to me b4.."have u ever wondered wat happen when u die?"

Damages

2008-03-11T04:11:00.005+08:00

haiz..it seems watever i come into contact gets damaged..was trying to mod a xbox i got from my cousin but apparently it has been rendered useless after i tamper with it..den now my com keeps giving the blue screen of death...have a feeling it's my hdd...kind of worried tt my files would b gone but i hadn't had the time to backup my stuff...worst is the ring on the strap of my watch broke n it has certain sentimental values to me..i had the strap changed once tt cost me 16 bucks n it's only replaceable at addidas repair centre which is at havelock rd..hopefully they still have the stocks for tis strap...

been slping like 2-3 hrs on avg these past few days...dun really feel sleepy...sun tried to take a nap but i only managed to catch a 30min wink...guess it doesnt help being a light sleeper...

Up n awake for 24 hr

2008-02-28T06:01:00.003+08:00

in another hr time or so i'll b awake for the past 24 hr...my eyes can hardly open now...

went to watch "L"..unfortunately, the show felt more like a comedy than a thriller sort of movie n there was hardly much link to the original story...it wasnt tt bad..but i dunno y the other ppl laugh whenever "L" types with his index finger only..it becomes somewhat comical n irritating..

after tt went for mambo nite..as expected the place is filled with undergrads since it's the mid-term break for all of us..somehow my tolerance lvl for alcohol has increased drastically since the last time i drank..i couldn't get the 'high' feeling at all even though i gulped down a significant amount of alcohol..guess i was more sleepy than less sober..

left n went for supper at around 3...planned to have 'tau huay' but when we reached there the place looked like it's been closed down...luckily i saw the notice of relocation..

害怕，逃避

2008-02-24T13:57:00.002+08:00

害怕做越多错越多
因为害怕所以想逃避
不知如何面对所以逃避

Someone up there has something against me

2008-02-18T23:55:00.004+08:00

i really think some1 up there doesnt like me...i'm officially out of hall from tonite onwards..looks like i got "bao to" or watever...well was a gd 1 mth experience to b in hall n staying with my gd frn edwin..it doesnt make too much a diff to me..tot i could get into the study mood by studying in hall..well, too bad...

anyway, had quite a long chat with raymond yesterday...been ages since we had tis kind of tok...he was saying he's trying to organise gathering for council but i told him tt he wasnt aware a lot of things tt had happened which are keeping ppl away from gatherings n ppl not organising outings..including me..schwrk itself is giving me a huge headache already..haiz...i realise the main prob is ppl like to play "tai ji"..den by default certain ppl gets uninvited from watever events...at least now i understand y raymond hasnt been appearing in outings also...there's no rite or wrong..he has his own priorities too..the prob is when ppl start to blame him without stating/finding out y he din attend the gatherings..i nvr like to judge things too quickly...tt's y i often try to keep an open ear & eye to find out wat's happening around b4 making comments...to avoid unnecessary arguments n y i know so much more things/gossips than other ppl..

alrite, gotta start making myself recall some things..my memories beginning to fail me...in a way i'm getting numbed by my programming...basically spent my last mon to thur with only like 2-4hr slp a day working on programming...skipping meals n such..last sat went to visit my cousin..she gave birth to a baby ger on 4th feb..just 3 days short of cny..my mum kept saying she gave birth to a "pig's tail" while my bro is a "pig's head" who's born on 3rd day of cny..lol...anyway, the baby ger is called charleen..dun understand y it isnt charlene...my cousin said the name can play around 1 so chose a more unique 1..fine -.-...the baby has thick hair n big eyes like my cousin..haha..

mid-term break coming soon...in fact it's next week n the following week would b mid-terms tests...hopefully i do make gd use of tis break n revise on my work..cant afford to lack behind in any way..since i'm not staying in hall any more i gotta start my running again...some short-term targets i have..i dare not make any long-term plans already..my life seems too unpredictable nowadays..can film into a movie of junhui's series of unfortunate events..rite, i know complaining also no use liao...just gotta do my best no matter wat

Short update

2008-01-29T17:11:00.000+08:00

been quite sometime since i last update...just doesnt have the mood to..been trying to keep myself busy with stuffs n studies...making myself occupied with lots of things...funny thing is tt i'm completing my tutorials n watever schwork ahead of time...reading most of my lecture notes before lecture..

was really shock abt shuhui's dad passing away..came very unexpected to me cos i went to donate platelets for him just like only 2 weeks ago..was telling jianyu the other day tt i think i'm jinxed..just last yr i had a frn's father passed away suddenly at around the same period..in fact i've been attending wakes or some1 i know of passed away like almost every yr since sec 2/3...though there was 1 i din attend..maybe ppl shud keep away from me..hah..

Dunno how to take care of myself

2008-01-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

just yesterday my mum was saying tt i dunno how to take gd care of myself...dunno when to eat..dunno when to slp..dunno how to make honey drink for myself..nvr eat fruits...tis n tt..u can ask me to take care of other ppl..help other ppl..take care of my own things..but i just nvr bothered abt myself..of cos, i can take care of myself but not treating myself well or even pampering myself..yea, i'm weird..

went to donate platelets for shuhui's dad last fri but i ended up getting a big bruise...it's still hurting a lot till now n the it seems more obvious also...big yellowish patch..my veins r so nicely n clearly seen yet the nurse puncture it wrongly n i have to change hand after the 2nd cycle...
-.-" ppl dun like nice things..

anyway, i realised i lost 2kg in just 1 wk plus..i've been staying home recently n i wonder how was tt possible just by staying at home..i'm beginning to qns myself a lot whether there's something wrong with me both physically n mentally..does being different means it's wrong?

What's wrong with me?

2008-01-02T14:55:00.000+08:00

"what's wrong with u?" a no. of ppl have asked me tis qns b4 n tis qns has been in my head for the past few days..it seems like there's some screws missing in my head..i shud have s/u a module but i din..i cun really recall how my holiday was spent...some sort of amnesia..my mind became a total blank when i tried to recall..i just went out almost everyday..hardly at home n even when i do i'm slping...my spendings was way beyond my allowances n i have to survive without allowances for 4 mths...neither have i been getting enuf slp..maybe god has taken away some of my screws n left it somewhere

i'm constantly fed with secrets or gossips of other ppl n my grps of frns r so well-linked tt i have to b very cautious abt things coming out from my mouth..1 little secret leaked n it could lead to a big huha..a very gd reason y i always chose to maintain silence..

Power of p-plate

2007-12-31T17:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday gotta to be the most crazy day of my life...i drove through more than 10 times on the PIE..then we had 1 bike n 4 cars all p-plates..doing some sort of convoy from aloha loyang to bedok...all p-plates lined up...best of all it's the 1st time i'm driving a car on my own...of cos, i've got lots of near accidents also..

Cool Gadgets

2007-11-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

http://omoshiroigadgets.blogspot.com/search/label/Gadget%20Dealz
couple of cool gadgets you can get..always wanted to have a lava lamp in my room..might get tt

Unneccesary yet neccesary

2007-11-19T03:34:00.000+08:00

i like to do things tt r unneccesary yet neccesary...i've actually recreated a new blog n copied every posts...purpose? so tt there wun b any irritating pop-ups...at a time like tis it's totally unneccesary..i shud b spending my time slping or studying...took some time to read thru my entries at the same time..discovered i started from a single para entries to super long entries...from mundane stuff to my feelings n deep tots...guessed i've gotten used to penning down my tots

i've not been working on anything for the past 3 days..for the reason is tt something is bugging me...something cluttering my mind...comes at a wrong time...i guess it's bcos tt i nvr manage to get any answers to some qns...

Meet the friends day

2007-11-16T13:06:00.000+08:00

i dunno y the coincidence but i met a lot of friends today...seriously a lot...not enuf to count with my 10 fingers...hm...classifying by the grps...i met 3 VS friends, xian cong, wei xiong n jack..n i saw edwin from across the road while i was waiting at the bus stop but stupid edwin din c me even when he turned his head facing straight at me...den i saw a couple of army friends...funny thing though was tt 1 was my bmt section mate, benedict, while the other guy, jasper, was a spec from another coy while i was in unit n they were tgt..i din c wat happened to jasper but i guessed he tripped while getting on the bus n benedict let off a damn awful burst of laughter as usual...they only saw me when the bus moved off...den i saw adrain my fellow spec in unit at the bus stop too...another grp is ppl i got to know from rovers' camp..jun huang, wei hui n jinghui..n again i met jinghui at the bus stop..dunno y but i met a lot of ppl at the bus stop..lol..lastly, from council grp i met weini n kok leong...weini isnt even studying in nus but she happen to pop by n i met her...other than my pri sch friends basically they're friends from all different stages of my life

my network of friends isnt as small as most ppl would think but then again...how many of them can i truely call friends...i'm happy to c familiar faces but somehow even i myself felt tt the smile i gave was partially artificial..even the conversations were very superficial...does tt make me a hypocrite? haha..i dunno...how to tell if my smile is genuine? let ppl find out themselves..hah..anyway, it's a great day nevertheless..even with 3 hr of slp last nite i din feel any tiredness

Stop negative thoughts

2007-11-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

just came back from a jog..slightly de-stressed..n i just happen to read an article on how to get rid of depression...there was a no. of pts but the last pt captured my attention...stop negative thoughts...i'm beginning to realise tt i'm the 钻牛角尖 kind of person...constantly having negative tots..good or bad..it's just me..at least for now i gotta start working hard..shall start on my 1000 words chinese essay after bathing

Changes

2007-11-13T09:34:00.000+08:00

for some reasons i've been very irritated with myself...been like this for quite some time...yesterday i just sort of lost my temper at my mum over dinner...she prepared roast meat for dinner which i tot was ok..but when i started eating i realised it was a nightmare...the meat was either so tough with super thick layer of fats or it was so dry n hard tt i couldnt even bite...considering the fact tt i have braces n worse was i'm 5 ulcers in my mouth..i dun feel gd when i lose my temper at my mum n i've made a promise b4 tt i wun lose my temper at her..

ever since entering uni i have friends tt i've not met for a long time telling me tt i've changed a lot...esp in terms of appearance...i have ppl saying tt i look like my bro, better looking now but then it's funny tt i hear from my bro's female friends saying he is shuai while i dun hear any such comments...n they said it rite in front of my face..how hurtful...sob...n i always c tt it's the case of gers going after my bro while i'm like hopeless..anyway, somehow in different phases of my life there r things tt had made me changed much..like how going thru council, army, failing my o'lvl etc, changed me...sometimes such a big change tt even i counldnt recognise myself...yet there r also some things tt nvr change a single bit...like tis sillyness in me nvr change...only some ppl noe...n like tis stupid temper of mine..more often than not i'm pissed with myself rather than other ppl...but i still lose temper at other ppl..now i'm going thru some changes too..however, i dun like tis change..in fact, i hate it..

exams r coming n i'm having a big problem of getting myself to study now..cant focus n nothing gets into my brain...things cant b any better with constructions all around my estate..puts my mood off to study...it's so bad tt i'm thinking of dropping out from uni...something tt ppl would not except coming from me

Old n senile?

2007-11-07T18:23:00.000+08:00

my bro's frn was asking me wat's my age...took me some time to think n i gave the reply, "almost 22"...rite..been celebrating other ppl's 21st bdae so i tot i was the same age...took me another moment then did i realised tt i'm in fact almost 23...in another few months time...

today is 7 nov...my ord date...a year ago i was officially release off duty from full-time ns...the day i claim back my pink ic...been a yr.........

How?

2007-10-30T12:37:00.000+08:00

Right, i know i'm dumb...how tis trick works?

Need more sleep, no more stress

2007-10-26T10:58:00.000+08:00

it's bad enuf when i dun have enuf slp n it's worse when i'm stressed up....i do a lot of stupid shit whenever i'm stressed..bah...but when there's incomplete assignments n tutorials, n more tests coming up...it can't be help...worse is tt i havent been performing in my tests...pretty much like my com due to me over stressing it by having it on 24/7..the psu is making lots of cranky sound n it's blowing air in instead -.-" it'll probably die out any time soon...tis sem is so screwed...just keep swimming i guess...hope for the best..hah

Another day to look forward to...

2007-10-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

to think i slept at say 4am? i'm already awake now...in fact, an hr ago...having my breakfast while surfing the net...i realised i've been missing my daily doses of digg n mentalfloss for past few days...these 2 sites serve as an entertainment n enrichment sites for me...i need time...lots...to catch up with my slp, catch up with my work, catch up with friends, catch up with lots of things...

gonna b a long day for me...10-6...i've gotta survive today...den after tt i'll b going over to look for my bro...guess it'll b more fun n not forgetting more work...hah..

I feel stupid..

2007-10-23T19:01:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to struggle a lot with my studies...esp so when nothing gets in my head...n for the 1st time i felt so helpless with my programming...sob...felt real stupid tt i couldnt think of the algorithm...gotta seek help tmrw...been staying up late for the past dunno how many days...somehow it felt so much worse than back in jc days..only gd thing was tt i'm used to coping with so little slp...it's a wonder tt i hasnt been falling aslp in lectures..at least not more than 5 min :p the stress lvl just suddenly shot up..sigh..

More hall days

2007-10-18T09:17:00.000+08:00

i love staying over at my bro's hall...makes me think of the days back in army...every week i come over i get to meet up with a friend or 2..so gd to b in touch with them...everytime i come over i stayed up late...doesnt feel like slping early..it feels so lively here...anyway, i dun just totally nuah here either..i do work on my studies too...somehow the environment makes me have the WANT to study...maybe i should come over more often..haha...too bad i'm not staying in hall...din want to put any financial burden on my parents...

my bro showed me something interesting..an opener..baby tok..haha...here's how the conversation goes:
bro: since u so fussy abt food, wat kind of food do u eat?
ger: vegetables, fruits, egg and chicken.
bro: do u eat meat? u eat beef?
ger: ya
bro: do u eat pork?
ger: ya
bro: then do u eat mutton?
ger: erm..no
bro: den how abt watermelon?
ger: ya..generally fruits i do eat
bro: how abt mangosteen?
ger: erm..dun really like..need to go all the trouble to peel. then mangosteen seeds are so big n have little flesh..
bro: so..u like those kind tt got small seeds n lots of flesh..ok..ok..so u like durians?
ger: ya..got lots of flesh
bro: den u must like d24 durians...small seeds n lots of meat..
ger: uh...u buy for me lor
bro: eh..
ger: so u like mangosteen?
bro: can't say like but i dun mind..ya..

bro: baby tok..i know how to baby tok..hah

can't get wat the whole conversation was abt? yup, tt's wat it's all abt...baby tok..hahahha...got to hear the conversation in person to understand...lol...the ger is kinda of interesting...asked me qns den end of it she said "ok..but i still dun understand" -.-" u either vomit blood or just nothing to say...dunno how to continue the conversation

Why?

2007-10-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

why issit people can't accept tt every1 is different? why does it seem wrong to believe tt people can b good..why people like to harp on who's fault issit rather than to correct wat went wrong..i really dun understand..maybe i'm the 1 who needs enlightenment..can i get an answers from the "100-thousands why"? lol..

Frustrated

2007-10-15T08:26:00.001+08:00

stress stress stress...schwork n quiz...so much things on my mind...yet i can't say a thing, can't do a thing...no where to let out...venting everything on my blog...i always tot i could be some1 with nothing to hide...somehow i've ended up with lots of 'secrets' n private matters...obviously i'm 1 who have my lips sealed tight...funny thing is tt they just come to me..at tis rate it's only a matter of time tt my head explode

my life is so filled with unhappiness around me n for the fact tt i get affected by other ppl's mood so much so tt time n time again i have to make myself happy n stay optimistic

I wish i could bring away all the sorrows and unhappiness

2007-10-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

it saddens me a lot when i c ppl tt i care r unhappy or troubled n i wish i could share some of their sorrows, offer a listening ear or give some sound advice...yet i find myself in a situation where i no longer am in the position to do much abt it..i can only move 1 side n watch..

Silence

2007-10-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

........

silence is golden as ppl always said...understood, accepted it, in no position to comment...not tt i'm unfeeling..just tt i've learnt not to b overly emotional...

call me 'ti kih', stubborn or wat...to me it's just standing firm to tt belief...even if it means waiting forever..n if forever never comes so be it...dun think i've ever insisted much on getting wat i want...i just dun want to leave any regrets..how ppl want to react to it is up to them...eventually, time will tell everything..

just came back from chris's party...personally not in a joyous mood...studies is pretty much occupying my mind..gonna wake up early to study

Almost knock down by a car?

2007-10-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

almost got knocked down by a car today...was i lucky? hahah..dunno...heard ppl commented abt me almost getting knock down by the car...wasnt the 1st time i had such near encounter...anyway, nus traffic is real bad..ppl happily jaywalk...vehicles happily drive pass zebra-crossing w/o stopping for ppl to cross...once i was crossing the zebra-crossing half-way n a stupid van just continue to drive pass in front of me...buses moving off from slope w/o putting to half-clutch 1st..saw once tt a bus roll back once n almost knock down some1 behind crossing a zebra-crossing..i was rite behind only..

Hot hot hot

2007-10-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

the weather is freaking hot recently...i swear my room is like a suana..it's reading 30degree even when it's nite time...it's inhibiting my studies...sigh..put up a music on my blog..i know it's gonna increase loading time but i like the song a lot...got it from a game n the title is 星之所在..it's played using a harmonica though there's other versions....got a rather sad feeling in it but it's really nice..n there's a meaning to it..

Subaru Impreza Challenge 2007

2007-10-04T16:21:00.000+08:00

anybody game for the Subaru Impreza Challenge 2007? crazy maybe...but i wouldn't mind stoning for maybe slightly more than 3 days with just a palm on the car n get a car...the only problem i would face would probably b just hunger...if u asked me i could even slp standing..no prob..haha...i do tt even on the bus..n i'm crazy enuf now to go for tis kind of mental torture..i wan a car!! lol...

Opening of a new chapter, opens many more past chapters

2007-10-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

somehow heaven has a way of playing tricks on ppl...open a new chapter n many more past chapters open along with it...it's no longer like wat i tot it used to b...open a new chapter n just move on...apparently tt's how things has become...coincidence? fate? pretty much foreseen things happening tis way...let's just c wat other twisted fates heaven has installed for me...

Recess week coming to an end

2007-09-30T13:07:00.000+08:00

recess week is coming to an end...let's just say i had a proper break..lol...finally got my real driving license...it was delivered to my hse on 17 sep but apparently no1 was home to accept it so it ended up in the post office until yesterday den came a reminder for me to collect it...been planning to get a car...i would have to at least get a couple of tuitions to maintain the car..n i've got a little financial issues to settle too..if i dun get a car while in uni i dun think i would after tt...will have to take other things into consideration by then..repaying of my bank loan, pocket money for my parents, living expenses, etc...it would b a new issue by then...

tis issue been on my mind...to care or not to care...as i grow older i realised i'm no longer like wat i used to b...in the past, i din bother much abt anything...just play with my com, cca n study...u could say simply nonchalant...dun even care abt frns...but over the couple of yrs i've learnt to care but at the same time i get more emotional..when i tried to play the devil, somehow just doesn't work...n let's just say i have soft spots for certain ppl, certain things...i get more emotional than other ppl when i do get emotional..if i were to b back to my old self i would have less things on my mind but it'll also b the cold cold me...it's best to strike a balance but it's gonna b tough...

Win Vista?

2007-09-28T04:32:00.001+08:00

who needs win vista when u can have these eye candies on win xp n tt's media player 11 on the background >:)

Do i look dumb?

2007-09-27T12:39:00.000+08:00

i dunno y but sometimes i just have the feeling tt ppl r treating me as though i'm dumb...just like wat fel mentioned..some things i just seem to know...or able to guess/foresee..things tt r just so obvious...maybe i'm just suspicious or paranoid...thinking too much which i dun deny..i cant seem to trust any1 any more as much as i want to trust others...it's nice of ppl not to let some1 know of something.."some things r better not known" like i've always said..but i feel a little insulted cos it's just so obvious tt i could have guessed it anyhow..i also dun deny the fact tt i do act dumb sometimes by keeping silent abt things..i usually dun complain or react much doesnt mean i am cos i know it's meaningless other than create more unhappiness...i just think if ppl were to hide something from another person it's best to take into consideration whether tt person is able to guess or know of it..u dun want to insult tt person nor do u want to reflect how dumb u urself r by hiding something tt's so obvious..

lots of things r continuously happening around me..can't help thinking so much..just some time back my aunt almost commited suicide...den my dad is now suspected of suffering from diabetes..manage to work a little bit on my studies today..studies now have become the least of my concerns...i've been trying to get things out of my mind rather than into my mind...i've been wondering how i've stood strong for the past few yrs yet now i'm just crumbling...

Recess week

2007-09-26T14:03:00.000+08:00

4th day of recess week n i have to admit tt i've yet to start my revision...sigh...been watching movies..internal affairs, 300, v for vendetta, jurassic park trilogy...if u asked me i've not watched these movies..only watched jurassic park b4..sadly i dun get to catch lots of movies..internal affairs makes me wonder..isnt it true tt every1 around us are acting in some ways..u'll nvr know who is really true to u...u'll nvr know the 1 beside u could b the 1 betraying u..i myself do 'act' but as much as possible i tell the truth most of the time...

last sat went for nat's bdae party and after tt went to fish's hse to play mahjong n i lost $30...it's a curse to play mahjong at his hse...anyway, somehow tt day fel posted 2 qns to me tt got me to ponder for the past few days..the 1st was how come i seem to know so many things..things as in wat ppl call ' gossips', secrets of other ppl...well i think the main reason is i listen and i remember...sometimes ppl just assume tt i'm not listening esp back in council but i am...2nd reason would b tt i gave ppl the trust..trust tt secrets could be kept or at least not broadcasted...but i have to say tt it's not easy keeping secrets..secrets weigh down ur heart...den 2nd qns was kind of weird..actually she asked both me n ruixiang tis, "don't you think tt sometimes it's kind of scary tt the both of u seems to always knows wat other ppl r thinking abt?" ruixiang reply was tt he doesn't guess wat ppl r thinking abt while i just smiled n din reply :) watever the case i think it's still guesses..u'll nvr know exactly wat the other person is thinking..as i always say i try not to guess wat other ppl r thinking...it does get tiring too

Memories

2007-09-21T12:07:00.000+08:00

Slowly sorting out somethings in my mind...memories..sad or happy they are wat make up of a person...call me sentimental or wat..i'm just the kind tt cherish all these..holding on tight to all the memories..happy yet sad..sad yet happy..tis is wat memories does to some1...there are times when i'm irritated tt i'm unable to forget something..times when i'm glad tt i have these memories..times when i'm sad tt i can't continue to live these memories..they have carved deep scars on me..perharps it's time to put them aside..perharps it's time i create more memories..but never will i let go of them..

no pt getting irritated, no pt getting angry cos me...never will i ever want to c any1 hurt again bcos of me...just wanna ppl around me to b happy..i give them all my blessings...dun care whether i'm mad, sad, troubled or lonely..i'd rather be alone n stay tis way..i'll learn to stay strong like i always do..

Earning back my pride n confidence

2007-09-09T14:27:00.000+08:00

i've always put in much effort in watever i'm doing but hasn't been yielding much result until now..proud to annouce tt i've passed my driving test on the 1st attempt although my car stalled twice..hahah...n my instructor didn't seem to have much faith in me passing but i proved him wrong nonetheless..of the 18 testees only half passed..got 16 demerit pt..mainly 8 pt for not looking back when reversing...actually i did but i was taught differently..focusing more on side clearance..so was more busy looking at the side mirrors..n looking in front to check whether i've reverse enuf..not my fault..other than tt was just minor mistakes..apparently things like not checking blindspot when turning left n moving too slow..spent less than 1.5k to earn tis my license..heh..now i want a car..not going to sell my life to anybody though it'll b faster to get a car tis way..gonna work hard n earn for my car

schwork is moving along fine i would say but i'm still very nuah..haha..not very much motivated...been procrastinating tis whole week...hasnt done a single thing..got a quiz coming up..let's just say being too free isnt gd..i have a tendency to continue with tt mood esp when i'm at home...i'm naturally slack in a way...i just can't go back to the studious me back in jc which i think i shud..i want to b back to being 'superman' :p

Swimming upstream

2007-09-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

i always find myself swimming upstream somehow n i've learnt to just keep going no matter wat..i strongly believe tt if i want to improve or learn to b a better person i'll have to take up any challenges tt comes along..yesterday was a long day n i slept rather late last nite..den today had 3 tutorials n a lecture..hardly had any break resulting in quite a headache..was getting a little slpy during the last lecture..

got some work i need to complete by tis weekend but driving gonna take up some time tmrw n sun there's og outing again..bdae celebration..gotta manage my time quite a bit..continue working hard

Shagness

2007-08-31T15:06:00.000+08:00

schwork is building up fast..i'm not very much worried abt it though..just having a little prob getting down to work on my tutorials..haven been falling aslp in lecture but i'm having some prob with keeping my mind focused...concepts which i understand doesnt sink in somehow..apparently my math is like the most cui 1..need more practice to pick up things again..lack of slp lately..been slping late...luckily i take afternoon naps :)

Feeling sleepy?

2007-08-29T11:40:00.000+08:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=477733

accounts for why i'm always feeling sleepy :)

Zhong Yuan Jie

2007-08-28T14:11:00.000+08:00

today's the 15th of the 7th month..as usual my mum prepared a lot of stuffs to pray to those 'hao xiong di'..the annual auction opp my hse is no longer there..can no longer hear those interesting shoutings across the road..quite a no of things r taking place across my hse..old private houses have been torn down n new apartments r rising in place of them..been trying to work on my chinese module assignment..it's giving quite a bit of headache..couldnt find much references of the topic on the internet..decided to go to the library after dinner n look for reference book but in the end it was just as futile..

watched shrek trilogy yesterday...i discover my character is rather similar to shrek..the most obvious would b people would always judge me by my appearance..maybe not hideous nor am i good-looking..but the 1st thing most ppl tell me is tt i look fierce or unfriendly...cool cool 1..eventually, ppl just seem to avoid me somehow..i build walls around my swamp bcos i too have fears although i try to hide them..i'm also like an onion tt has layers..hahah..i always try to achieve the ideal situation..yea, in my dreamland..like being mr nice guy but den again we all know nobody seems to like mr nice guy..so another layer of me the more realistic..i dun expect ppl to b nice to me in return but at least not take my kindness for granted..den there's also another layer of me..i can be nasty if i want to..of cos, however, i'll refrain myself from going to tis layer..there's really no fixed way of how i behave but usually i just go by layer from nice to more neutral to nasty..hm..so where's my happily ever after? hahah

going to my bro's hall again tmrw..just din feel like staying at home..going to bring him food n anime too..he's very jialat 1..need ppl to take care of him..

Angel/Devil

2007-08-27T12:20:00.000+08:00

nothing specific..just feel like venting out somewhere..

think think think...i just cant stop thinking for a moment...it's like i'm always toking to myself..tt's for being a digital auditory person..it's like in those classic disney cartoons where there's this angel n a devil beside u telling u wat to do..it could b a psychiatric problem but i've gotten so used to it since young..basically just think of anything...could b schwork, family, a girl, a friend, a game, a show, or something tt happened recently or in the past...i used to cope with tis by slping or acting nonchalant however it doesnt seem to work as well in recent yrs..forcing myself not to think is only gonna make me feel worse eventually when everything overflows..i know the only way is to occupy my mind by engaging in some activities..yet i cant find any now n it just continues to drive me crazy..as usual the only thing i can do is to tell myself to b positive..

Usual update

2007-08-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

ruixiang pon a lecture yesterday n have the cheek to call me during my lesson to tell me he's not coming, n wants me to pay more attention n take down notes so tt he can copy from me -.- lunch-time was real bad...queues were super long n canteens were crowded..settled on subway but had to q for like 45min...kept falling aslp during my genes n society lecture..finally got 1 textbook..bought it 2nd hand for $25..

today manage to almost complete a tutorial...had a hard time forcing myself to start working on it...went for my dental..i cant chew now..something was put to prevent any biting..had dinner with chieh, fish, shyuan, jayne n jansen at xin wang at marina..dunno wat i'm eating cos i couldnt chew much..came home after tt..

think i need to visit the library for my chinese module..i've yet to have enuf ideas on how i'm gonna work on my assignment..the reply from the lecturer wasnt any helpful at all n he din reply to my qns..

No commitments - Good/Bad

2007-08-24T11:44:00.000+08:00

i'm still in a daze n my super Z mode..lecture, home, slp, lecture, home, slp...u'll discover some things are missing..tutorials, assignments, revisions...haven buy my textbks either..hahaa...i've gotten my chinese module assignment but i've not much clue how to go abt it...decided to email my lecturer today regarding tis...tutorials r out but i haven been touching them other than 1 of my math tutorial which is sort of half done only..

comes to the pt of not having any commitment..no commitment means pushing everything behind leaving them to last min..means i can do my work any time i like..izzit good or bad? i dunno..it's bad bcos i'll most prob leave all work to last min which so like me..good thing is i get to take things easy..gone were the days when i'll make sure i finish all my work 1st so tt i'll have time for commitments..commitments like council work..like hanging out in sch till dark...like going out after sch or on weekends...here i am still typing entries..i dun c the urgency to do these things..

yesterday spent half the day still in my bro's hall..din manage to catch up much with him..for some reason it just wasnt rite time i guess..we're both of very diff character except for 1 thing tt is when we're less chatty it means there's something we dun wanna tok abt so might as well not tok at all...came home n it wasnt long b4 i was lying on my bed n falling aslp..had driving at nite..was going to slp when liping came online n i consulted her on my chinese assignment..got a small wake up call..i need to b retrained on how to use the library..chatted with her on phone till 1 plus..zzz...had to wake up at 6.30 tis morning for an hour lecture @.@ again relac for 2hr..makan n sent email..went for math lect which was a 2 hr lecture but shorten to 1..nuah abit more then proceed to my last 3hr lecture for the day..started on java programming today..lol..i guess a lot of ppl listen until '???' lucky i've got a wee bit of VB background..somehow it seem so interesting to me..hahah..even went to clarify some qns with the lecturer..so unlike me..hahah..think i'm a geek...rite, guess i shall start working a little on my tutorials now

Bumping around

2007-08-22T15:03:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat i'm doing..hahah..trying to keep in contact with 'old' and new friends...the feeling of meeting and catching up with 'old' friends is real nice..listening to their past experiences..generally making myself a little bit more occupied...i wanna have a more active life...not necessary busy but more happening life..

yesterday only had half a day lesson...as usual i went home for lunch den took a long nap..today 1st lect was cancelled so get to go to sch later..den lesson until 4...after tt got something to eat from old chang kee again with ruixiang..proceed to ntu to meet my bro..haiz..he's more pig than me as usual..slp n slp while i watch anime..only until 7plus den we went to ta pao dinner..continued to watch anime as we had on dinner..my bro left to play mahjong after tt -.- he came back around 12 n we went for shower..the atmosphere here feel so nuah...nobody seems to b studying..kind of diff from nus..supper, watching movies together..being in the hall reminds of the time back in army camp..kind of miss those days n my buddies

Sleep Sleep Sleep

2007-08-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

i'm pretty much back to my super Z mode...weekend was spent slping most of the time...slping was considered a waste of time during the last 2 yrs of my life...so i spent much of my time in front of the com back den when i have free time..now i'm basically slping at any time of the day...already falling aslp during lectures n it's not tt bad yet..hahaha...the shagness has yet to catch up on me..i recalled the days back in poly when i'm literally like a slping buddha..my classmates will always comment on how i always slp in classes..it's not hard to find my head stuck on the table..lol..even in j1 it wasnt hard finding me slping everywhere..during lect..my lect buddies had to always wake me up..during tutorials..in council room..

told myself no more gaming so only option was to slp..somehow i very much have the fear of sleep nowadays cos i'm afraid of getting dreams..something tt seems so real yet isnt..there's no longer such thing called sweet dreams to me..watever dreams i had i just woke up n broke out in cold sweat..decided to just go ahead n slp for the reason tt i wanted to shut my mind off n my mind will auto-shut off anyway..haha..so i basically did nothing but slp...although true enuf i had some weird dreams n i'm getting a headache for slping so much..hahah

only thing i had done yesterday was tt i read my chinese module article..it's really interesting how from the lang we can learn the culture of a specific grp..u could even say tt singlish is a lang or dialect...it's a pidgin..today i just listened to the webcast of a make-up lect which i couldnt attend..i found the readings an enjoyment due to the fact tt i've been very much deprived of intellectual exercise..having some difficulty getting the concepts to sink in but the interest is very much there n i hope it stays..when i was young i din like challenges..rather stay in my comfort zone..but as i grow i'm forced to take up challenges n i learnt to like it...i no longer want to go back to a no brain life-style..it bores me..coming days will b a very big challenge to me n stressful..but i'll gladly take it no matter wat..

End of week 1

2007-08-18T15:08:00.000+08:00

it's the end of week 1 but i'm still feeling very slack...hopefully i get warmed up real soon..woke up real early tis morning n have no idea wat i'm doing other than balloting for my tutorials..felt kind of slpy n i was back in bed..cant really say i like to slp but it's just part of me..nothing to do just slp..was a little tired too since i stayed up quite late last nite..went for a lecture which is 2-4..den went to grab something to eat with ruixiang..after tt ruixiang went home while i went to meet up with my og ppl..bah..low turnup..waited for quite awhile for just a few xiaomaos..den played frisbee for abt 45min..started raining..was dicussing wat to do after tt..whether to go n watch fireworks at marina..by rite was to have dinner at botak jones..but tis person wants to go for tt, tt person needs to go for tis..all the nonsenses..din come to much conclusion..those who had to do watever things went off while the few of us went to wash up n proceed to botak jones..sure was hella packed esp since it's fri..waited for quite a while n finally got a table..made the orders n the rest joined us later..got home at around 1130..

i've really packed my timetable..tue n thur r 8hr straight..no lunch break..no need to think of wat to eat..haha..ppl say it's crazy timetable but i like it tis way..3 n 1/2 day week..self-torturing? maybe..i just like to do things at 1 shot n have more free time..make myself free..still feel kind of bloated now..my mind is kind of blank now..somehow i get slpy easily nowadays..my driving test is coming soon..bah..will b missing lots of lesson on tt day..tt's bad..i had better pass tis test..

Things r moving

2007-08-17T13:45:00.000+08:00

my 2nd official day in sch..yesterday was my free day..i'm working 2 days n rest 1 day..lol..had an early lunch at 10 with ruixiang cos he only got 1 lecture for the day...after lunch bump around alone for awhile since i've got more than 1 hr to spare..den went to lt early for my math lect..zz..after math lect still have to rush to another computing module..had to walk like 10+ min cos couldnt get on any buses -.-" altogether 5 hr straight..

it seems tuff with all the long hrs but i'm happy with tis timetable since i'll b working on 4 day week...hahah...the 'Z' monster is catching up on me already..i've got a very bad slping habit..i like to wake up early n stay up late which partly account for y i tend to fall aslp in lectures..i've a module mate already like liping said..another fmath student from s9a..haha..we're taking 4 same modules with same time slot..the exception is my chinese -.- just saw my chinese lecture notes n it's in trad chinese...ha...luckily i do know how to read them..

i'm back to the regular blogging cos tis blog was supposed to b my private diary..but meant for only a couple of ppl to read..got lots of things in mind..i guess i'm the restless kind..cant stand doing absolutely nothing..my mind will start to wander off...anyway, things r moving now so i'll b more occuppied..another 2 hr lect tmrw n the 1st wk will come to an end..og gathering after tt..games n makan

i'm a slacker

2007-08-15T08:38:00.000+08:00

it's the official start of sch..in fact was yesterday but i din attend the lecture...early in the morning i've already met liping, lecture i saw nicholas n another s9a guy..so i'm not alone afterall..lunch-time met fel n des..den after tt met up with ruixiang..we're taking a common module..6 gd hr straight..already met so many familiar faces plus surviving on 2 slice of bread..was a little scared of the chinese module after attending today's lecture..it was interesting but there a rather heavy emphasis on projects n assignment, not to say i've long not touched on chinese..i hate projects n assignments seriously..the feeling of working on an ad hoc...after quite abit of persuasion from our long time nvr c frn, ruixiang, i've decided to go ahead since the module did interest me..he also tok me out of joining any cca..decided to bypass the floorball trial n dragonboat training..hahah...i'm a big slacker..i get stressed up easily so after thinking thru quite abit i decided not to b too harsh on myself..shud enjoy the learning process..tis 4yr will b critical but i shud enjoy it rather..after going thru 2 n a 1/2 yr of shit i've learnt a lot..getting all stressed up or overly enthu isnt gd

got a rather bad heartache..as in like a heart atk last nite..almost felt like collapsing but just endured it n was ok after tt..still feeling a little wierd..gonna leave it as it is for now since i've taken blood test recently..shudden b a prob hopefully

Wat a good start

2007-08-14T04:37:00.000+08:00

rite..suppose to have a 2hr lecture today but i ended up going home 1/2 hr after i reached..haha..y? i went to the wrong LT n i had no access to any com to check the location..sms edwin to check for me but he din reply until i reached home..sigh..i need a laptop badly esp since i'm not staying in hall..more imptly..i really need to sort myself out..for 1 thing tt is nothing's been working rite neither am i doing things rite..both ways i need to sort myself out n get things rite..

finally got my last module..phew..i've got all sort of modules..2 computing modules, math, bio, eng, chinese...yes..dun ask me y chinese cos i'm pretty left with no choice..due to the fact i screwed my bidding..been working on the math tutorial diffentiation..did my own revision n started working on the qns..it's giving me quite a headache but math is something tt gives me a sense of accomplishment when i finally solve the qns..got a long day tmrw..6 hr of lectures straight w/o lunch break..-.-"

today's the 1st nite of hungry-ghost festival..

Left-handers

2007-08-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

"Research has suggested that left-handed people are more susceptible to a range of problems, including allergies, auto-immune diseases, depression, drug abuse, epilepsy, schizophrenia and sleeping disorders." http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4242419.stm

Always been interested abt left-handers cos i'm 1 myself..
Allergies (Nope)
Auto-immune diseases (Nope)
Depression (Rather easy)
Drug Abuse (Nope)
Epilepsy (Nah)
Schizophrenia (Maybe..haha)
Sleeping disorders (Very bad)

Problems problems

2007-08-12T07:42:00.000+08:00

problems..it's nothing to complain of when everyone else too has their own problems..however, when every part of ur life has a problem..family, friends, relationships, money, work, etc..one just cant help but feel depressed and irritated..the common qns of "Why are these happening to me?"

i've been asking tis qns for the past few mths...never was there an answer...never were there any solutions..after my 2 yrs of crappy life i tot things could only get better but it appears not..for a period it did..u could say i'm more than happy but it was short-lived..

family problems..it was kind of bad during the 2 yr in army..tot things would improve too..it got worst..i feel sad for my mum..some unsettling stuffs..it's something i never want to tok abt bcos there's really nothing i can do..yet it's bothering n affecting me in some way..my mood..it has been like tis since ages ago n it's a continuing problem which i cant totally ignore..no matter how i try..

after wei khang quitted in march..work got boring..no more lunch kaki..no1 to crap with me..bought a new phone n73 n i had to send it for repair 2wks later cos i dropped it..never drop it ever since..had to work OT..quit my job at end of may..

ICT in june..only gods noes y i had to b activated exactly 6 mth after i ord which i'll never forget..got posted to the one n only bronco battalion which both eugene n clemence was in..zzz..had to relearn everything n i'm expecting for the next 4 yrs half of my june holidays would b gone...to think when ICT had ended n i'll have some peace..only to get home for like less than 2 hr n my mum came home to tell me tt my bro has been hospitalised...so went down to NUH to visit him..den the very next day, while i was preparing to go down n visit my bro again..i got a call from SGH..no..not NUH which i tot something happened to my bro..it's SGH asking when i'll b free to go down for platelets donation for shuhui's dad -.-...in army i learnt tt shit flows down but now i learnt tt shit comes in a row..unluckiness or wat u call suay?? my mentality became watever shit comes i just take..

went for rovers camp in july..the guys often toks abt army stuff which i get a little irritated n rather not tok abt..for a simple reason was tt few's army life could b compared to mine..the gd things were already uncomparable..fresh rations, no need for route marches with the field pack, no ba-sha..but the kind of shit tt i went thru..from 6mths in tekong to another 5mth in school of armour..an almost whole yr of training..in terms of training period..it was no diff from an officer..den there was 3 torturous weeks of training in taiwan..encountered typhoon during r&r..the camp we went to, hukou camp was the 1 with the plane crash killing saf soldiers last yr..exactly 1 yr ago we were there..my training alone was uncomparable..tok abt my vocation..the one with most no. of weapons to handle..the one with highest risk..the one tt have the most wayanging..from the clean n well painted vehicles in the parade to the most garang, most firepower in battlefield..all the dust u eat during ops..the amount of post ops shit..my vehicle 'lang ga' twice..n not to tok abt the unpeaceful pre-ord..while most r clearing their leaves..we're still out chiong shua...getting ready for the ultimate wayang show bold zapper so tt the media could film how good the SAF is..even after ord there's ICT 6 mth later..painful experiences yet the most memorable..something painful to share n yet proud of when i do share it with other ppl..

been surviving on savings for the past 2 mth..there r things i want to do, i want to get but my finances doesnt allow..rotting at home most of the time..long finger nails, long hair, long hours in front of my com...basically just doesnt want to do anything..ask me y i dun go out? for a reason i know, for some reasons i dunno...wat happen to my friends? y doesnt ppl ask me out? y doesnt i ask ppl out? am i anti-social? i really dunno..i'm bored too n i want to go out often but i dun..for a period life did get better n i tot life could only get better but somehow i'm back to square 1..i just get sick of life..irritated with myself..suicidal tots did come to my mind..it wasnt the fear of death tt held me back but it's the sadness tt my death would bring upon to those who care...if there's any...

now sch is starting in 2 days time n i'm still bothered with the bidding of my modules..had to take an xtra english module...timetable clashes..timetable with no lunch break in between...from a planned 3 day week to 4 day now..probably 5 day..took a look at the math notes n my brain couldnt take it already..things i've learnt n scored well b4 but becomes phobic now..

somehow ever since i got enlisted my life has took a drastic change..NS has affected my life a lot a lot..dulling my brain..stupidity..getting depressed easily especially..the qns again "Why are these happening to me?" cross my mind very often..'suayness'? someone once told me tt i'm not unlucky..but who can deny tt my life isnt full of crap? seriously if u want me to tok abt positive things there's hardly any

there's lot more crap things tt happened to me but they're unmentionable..been in a bad state for past months..in 2 days time i'm stepping into a new territory..i'm gonna try pick myself up again..shall bring those memories with me, focus on my studies n not let anyone worry abt me anymore

-ask me NOT what happened to me but what NOT happens to me-

Little updates

2007-08-08T10:58:00.000+08:00

went to sentosa on sat..cycled around for an hr..den played cards for a while in the resort..after tt went to the beach..usual stuff..swimming in the sea..volleyball..had dinner at sakae den proceeded to cafe del mar..dunno wat's the buzz abt the place..just had some drinks there n went back to the resort..i was supposed to attend a wedding dinner...a cousin's daughter's wedding..dunno who anyway..my mum called me to go for the wedding but i decided not to bcos there was suppose to b a stayover..ended up din stayover..

it's o week tis week but i was lazy n decided to forgo it...today was rag day n i'm having circuits tmrw..sgh called again..going down for platelets donation tmrw..gotta rush down to sgh after my driving..sigh..on a better note i'm on my way to 3 day week hopefully..without lunch breaks though..on superman mode again..well tt's me..either i do it good or i dun bother at all..have no idea how i'm gonna handle it..anyway, i'm mad enuf..going without lunch shudden b a prob

national day is coming..it had been an interesting day of the year for past 4 yrs..be it good or bad..wonder how tis yr will b..at home i suppose..