Sunday, August 12, 2007
Problems problems

problems..it's nothing to complain of when everyone else too has their own problems..however, when every part of ur life has a problem..family, friends, relationships, money, work, etc..one just cant help but feel depressed and irritated..the common qns of "Why are these happening to me?"

i've been asking tis qns for the past few mths...never was there an answer...never were there any solutions..after my 2 yrs of crappy life i tot things could only get better but it appears not..for a period it did..u could say i'm more than happy but it was short-lived..

family problems..it was kind of bad during the 2 yr in army..tot things would improve too..it got worst..i feel sad for my mum..some unsettling stuffs..it's something i never want to tok abt bcos there's really nothing i can do..yet it's bothering n affecting me in some way..my mood..it has been like tis since ages ago n it's a continuing problem which i cant totally ignore..no matter how i try..

after wei khang quitted in march..work got boring..no more lunch kaki..no1 to crap with me..bought a new phone n73 n i had to send it for repair 2wks later cos i dropped it..never drop it ever since..had to work OT..quit my job at end of may..

ICT in june..only gods noes y i had to b activated exactly 6 mth after i ord which i'll never forget..got posted to the one n only bronco battalion which both eugene n clemence was in..zzz..had to relearn everything n i'm expecting for the next 4 yrs half of my june holidays would b gone...to think when ICT had ended n i'll have some peace..only to get home for like less than 2 hr n my mum came home to tell me tt my bro has been hospitalised...so went down to NUH to visit him..den the very next day, while i was preparing to go down n visit my bro again..i got a call from SGH..no..not NUH which i tot something happened to my bro..it's SGH asking when i'll b free to go down for platelets donation for shuhui's dad -.-...in army i learnt tt shit flows down but now i learnt tt shit comes in a row..unluckiness or wat u call suay?? my mentality became watever shit comes i just take..

went for rovers camp in july..the guys often toks abt army stuff which i get a little irritated n rather not tok abt..for a simple reason was tt few's army life could b compared to mine..the gd things were already uncomparable..fresh rations, no need for route marches with the field pack, no ba-sha..but the kind of shit tt i went thru..from 6mths in tekong to another 5mth in school of armour..an almost whole yr of training..in terms of training period..it was no diff from an officer..den there was 3 torturous weeks of training in taiwan..encountered typhoon during r&r..the camp we went to, hukou camp was the 1 with the plane crash killing saf soldiers last yr..exactly 1 yr ago we were there..my training alone was uncomparable..tok abt my vocation..the one with most no. of weapons to handle..the one with highest risk..the one tt have the most wayanging..from the clean n well painted vehicles in the parade to the most garang, most firepower in battlefield..all the dust u eat during ops..the amount of post ops shit..my vehicle 'lang ga' twice..n not to tok abt the unpeaceful pre-ord..while most r clearing their leaves..we're still out chiong shua...getting ready for the ultimate wayang show bold zapper so tt the media could film how good the SAF is..even after ord there's ICT 6 mth later..painful experiences yet the most memorable..something painful to share n yet proud of when i do share it with other ppl..

been surviving on savings for the past 2 mth..there r things i want to do, i want to get but my finances doesnt allow..rotting at home most of the time..long finger nails, long hair, long hours in front of my com...basically just doesnt want to do anything..ask me y i dun go out? for a reason i know, for some reasons i dunno...wat happen to my friends? y doesnt ppl ask me out? y doesnt i ask ppl out? am i anti-social? i really dunno..i'm bored too n i want to go out often but i dun..for a period life did get better n i tot life could only get better but somehow i'm back to square 1..i just get sick of life..irritated with myself..suicidal tots did come to my mind..it wasnt the fear of death tt held me back but it's the sadness tt my death would bring upon to those who care...if there's any...

now sch is starting in 2 days time n i'm still bothered with the bidding of my modules..had to take an xtra english module...timetable clashes..timetable with no lunch break in between...from a planned 3 day week to 4 day now..probably 5 day..took a look at the math notes n my brain couldnt take it already..things i've learnt n scored well b4 but becomes phobic now..

somehow ever since i got enlisted my life has took a drastic change..NS has affected my life a lot a lot..dulling my brain..stupidity..getting depressed easily especially..the qns again "Why are these happening to me?" cross my mind very often..'suayness'? someone once told me tt i'm not unlucky..but who can deny tt my life isnt full of crap? seriously if u want me to tok abt positive things there's hardly any

there's lot more crap things tt happened to me but they're unmentionable..been in a bad state for past months..in 2 days time i'm stepping into a new territory..i'm gonna try pick myself up again..shall bring those memories with me, focus on my studies n not let anyone worry abt me anymore

-ask me NOT what happened to me but what NOT happens to me-

posted at 7:42 AM
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